Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
