david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
