If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
