Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
