Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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