Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
