"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
