I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
