My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
