I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
