good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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