why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
