totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
