Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
