Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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