I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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