i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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