I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
