last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
