Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
