whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
