His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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