I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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