If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
