I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
