Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
