angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
