remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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