I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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