If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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