totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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