it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
