Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
