Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
