Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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