he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well you can't waste a boner
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
