And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
