So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
