Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
