I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Someone shit on the floor
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
