I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
