I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
