If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Randomize
