I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
