Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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