found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
