No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
