I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
