why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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