Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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